Free Lovers and Gender Equality

In Chapter four of Rodger Streitmatter’s Voices of Revolution titled “Promoting Free Love in the Victorian Age,” Rodger explores gender roles in marriage. In the 1860s, The Revolution questioned the institution of marriage. They called themselves free lovers because they believed that a marriage should solely be based on love. They did not think that a woman’s identity should only be based on her relationship with her husband. They wanted women to thrive independently without limitations that gender imposed.

Gender equality is a topic that is widely discussed today. In Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s infamous TED talk, she shines light on the issue (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg3umXU_qWc).  She talks specifically about her African heritage where gender is treated as a binary. She recalls a time when she handed money to a valet parker in Lagos and instead of thanking her, the beggar looking to her male friend and thanked him. He assumed that she had not earned the money she was handing him. He believed that whatever money she did have was given to her by a man. The problem, Adichie states, is that men usually do not actively think about gender. The valet parker naturally assumed that the money was not hers because he was raised to think this way. This is where Adichie raises a solution. She says that in order to change the way we think of gender we must unlearn what we naturally learned was the norm.

When my mother was seven years old in the Dominican Republic, she already knew how to cook. Often times she cooked arroz con habichuelas for twenty people. As a girl, she was taught that cooking was her duty. Adichie makes an enlightening statement about this in her TED talk. She says,

I know a family that have both a son and a daughter, both of whom are brilliant at school, who are wonderful, lovely children. When the boy is hungry, the parents say to the girl, “Go and cook Indomie noodles for your brother.” Now the daughter doesn’t particularly like to cook Indomie noodles, but she’s a girl, and so she has to. Now what if the parents, from the beginning, taught both the boy and the girl to cook indomie? Cooking, by the way, is a very useful skill for boys to have. I’ve never thought it made sense to leave such a crucial thing, the ability to nourish oneself, in the hands of others.

In my family, my mother does most of the cooking. Because my father works and my mother doesn’t, she’s claimed it to be her responsibility to cook for her family. Granted, my mother is a fantastic cook and she loves cooking for us. I think it’s okay if a woman happens to do more of the “feminine” tasks in a relationship, as long as it’s not treated as her duty as a woman to do so. At first glance, my parent’s marriage may seem conventional like the marriages Streitmatter discusses in his book. But they have one of the most nurturing and supportive relationships I’ve ever seen. My father actively acknowledges that my mother cooks and he thanks her after each meal, knowing that she doesn’t have to cook for us. And she knows this too. On weekends my father sometimes cooks one of the very few meals he does know how to make. He makes an elaborate dinner with lobster and we are all very grateful. He also constantly urges my mother to open up her own restaurant. I think a lot of gender equality has to do with seeing conventionality but not succumbing to its stereotypes-- My mother cooks but my father doesn’t accept her to do so because of her gender. But sometimes I wonder if my mother in fact does feel like cooking is something she needs to do. Adichie says, “We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man.” Sometimes when we talk about my mother opening a restaurant, she’s always unsure if it will work out. She says “Restaurants are hard work.” I know this. But I also want her to know that cooking is something she can make a living out of, instead of only applying the skill in a domestic atmosphere. I also know that if anyone is capable to run a business it’s my mother. She is stronger and more passionate than most men I know today. I hope my mother is not afraid of having ambition. And I hope that she will one day find herself more than capable to do something she loves.

Adichie believes we should unlearn gender conventions we were taught at a young age. And we should teach both boys and girls activities that have been mostly acquired by females. A few months ago, I went to dinner with a man. I’m not sure how we came upon the subject, but at one point he asked if I knew how to cook. And I said “Not at all” and he said, “What will you do when you have a husband?” I was completely stunned by his question. It’s not that this man is usually rude, it’s just that he isn’t actively thinking about gender. He grew up to learn that men inherit responsibility while women inherit domesticity. His father owns restaurants around the world, and when it was time for his father to retire, the responsibilities were passed down to him. He will most likely grow up as the provider of his family.

I think we have a lot more work to do in our quest for gender equality. We have to unlearn what we know and we have to teach children differently. We need more women and men like the writers in free-loving revolutionary newspapers to make us active thinkers and question why things are the way they are.

The first three chapters of Voices of Revolution by Rodger Streitmatter focus on ways in which advocates transformed society by using unconventional media publications. The chapters specifically focus on American Labor, the Abolitionist movement, and women’s rights. What’s interesting about these movements is that they tried to reverse a way of life that was so hard wired into society. For example, the belief that a woman’s sole purpose was to marry and then birth children was a widely accepted concepts. People grew up with strict gender binaries and expectations, and it’s not that they were horrible people to have accepted it, it’s just what they always knew. I think now, living in a more free society, it’s easy for us to think: How could women accept such horrible conditions? Or… If I lived in that time I would have done something sooner. The problem is that for the most part, we are the product of our times. I don’t mean that we are completely delusional by the current state of things, but I do think that many people naturally tend to agree with the majority. Growing up in the East Village, in New York City, I was always urged to be curious and question my surroundings. The East Village by nature has a rebellious character and most of its inhabitants like to question those in power. Maybe this is why the East Village has a reputation for being a place for bohemian, free thinkers. My high school molded me to be a highly analytical person, even encouraging us to question our professors and the overall world we lived in. New York has a lot to do with who I am. We embrace things that are out of the ordinary and unconventional. But I don’t know if I would still be who I am today if I lived in a small town in the Dominican Republic where my mother grew up where she was taught to be more reserved and to not question her authorities.

I think it takes a true advocate to live in a society that is so hard wired towards a certain belief and then to passionately go against it without fear. William Lloyd Garrison lived in a culture where slavery was widely accepted. He recognized it was an unjust practice and worked hard to abolish it. He published his own publication called The Liberator, publishing articles that went against the harmful practice. While he published his own ideas, Garrison still needed help from mainstream media. This was the only way his articles would have gained a large audience. He circulated his articles to mainstream media editors. Although these editors criticized him, denouncing his arguments as outrageous, Garrison gained the attention he wanted. The editors published their criticisms in their mainstream publications that were read by most of literate America. Therefore, although independent media strays away from mainstream outlets, mainstream media is still necessary to circulate information and gain a large audience.

After reading Will Bunch’s “A Landmark for Bloggers-- and the Future of Journalism,” I began to think more about what Independent media does so differently than mainstream media that captures the attention of so many internet users. After reading this article I found the answer: Independent media provides a distinct voice to readers.

Coming to Ithaca College as a Journalism major was difficult because it seemed that so many of my professors had already imagined our careers in mainstream media. Our personal voices were muddled by mainstream expectations. I’ve always known that my interests did not lie in traditional reporting, but I didn’t feel supported in this decision. No matter how much independent media has begun to dominate the flood of news, it seems that so many journalism professors still hold tightly to mainstream outlets. Many condemn independent media such as blogs, deeming them irrelevant. But I want to challenge these professors. If journalism relies on the current state of the world, shouldn’t we (as journalists) understand the current state of news in our culture and accept independent media as viable news outlets? Instead of stubbornly seeking news only from mainstream outlets, we should focus on the strong emerging voices found in independent media that have begun to shape the news today.

While the article focuses on Talking Points Memo, a political site, the underlying messages can be applicable to all independent outlets. Bunch discusses the internet as an innovative platform to tell news “by using new techniques that emphasize collaboration over competition and by working with readers and through collective weight of many news sources…” Bunch discusses independent media’s interactiveness and innovativeness. Because they focus on only independent voices, they are free to present their biases and take their own stance on an issue. Bloggers have the freedom to unveil their true voices because they’re not tied to a mainstream outlet. Blogging seems to be a democratization of news. A good example of this democratization is Tavi Gevinson, editor of Rookie magazine. Tavi broke the mold of fashion media which was primarily led by Vogue editor Anna Wintour. Tavi, only fifteen when she first started Rookie Magazine,  took the fashion industry by storm, reminding the public that fashion and style is subjective and should not be dominated by only a few publications. Although she is young, she is bold and is able to hold power in one of the most critical industries.